Based on the title of this post, with the backdrop that this is a Christian blog, I am guessing you came here with the idea that I am going to do a typical fire and brimstone post about God’s judgment on America. That is not at all my intention, and I loathe such statements as much as you likely do.
Let me begin by simply stating the premise of this article: I am issuing a desperate plea for rationally-based, hope-filled, tolerance-understanding, people-loving discussion on the subject of marriage not only in the United States, but across the globe. I truly believe that we are currently in the middle of an issue that has our culture more polarized and divided than any other in history. I realize those who lived through the civil-rights movement may disagree with me, however with the spread of technology and social media we are now able to relay information and arguments faster than ever before causing the polarization of people to increase at never-before-seen rates. My fear is that, because of the rapid spread of information and growing trends in our society, we have officially lost the ability to have calm discussion and solve problems together.
If this is the case, then the marriage debate has already destroyed us. When I say destroyed us, I’m not talking about invoking God’s wrath or any other such nonsense. I mean that as a society we have lost any mutual respect for one another. We are now entering into an age where red herrings, slander, intellectual dishonesty (here’s another right-wing favorite), stupidity, and emotional fallacies are the basis for any and all arguments and discussion. This is not a criticism of purely the left nor the right; as both sides of the debate have failed tremendously in their endeavors to communicate their point.
The Christian Right
Some of the loudest voices in this debate come from the “Christian Right”. What may have started with good intentions for many, the Christian Right now often comes out as short-minded, unloving fools. I say this with all of the love in the world for my brothers and sisters in the church: what we are doing and speaking isn’t working. When we say things like “The Bible says such and such is wrong, so you can’t do it!”, most people are going to completely blow us off because the Word of God is folly to them. Two things are happening when we do this: 1) we are using the ends in place of the means, and 2) we are trying to win arguments, not people.
I absolutely desire for the church to hold fast to the truth of the Bible. However, the core truth of the Bible is not simply a list of “do’s and don’ts”! The core truth of the Bible is that Christ came into the world to save broken-hearted, sick, messy, jacked-up people. If we were to take a look at any study coming out today about why people are leaving the church, the reason at the top of any list is that Christianity appears too dogmatic and exclusive. Dogmatic and exclusive!? The gospel is the most inclusive, loving and non-dogmatic message the world has ever heard (for these reasons, this is also why it is the most offensive message the world has heard). Where have we gone wrong that our culture and society believes this not to be the case? Simply put, we have traded moralism for the gospel, petty scraps for rich treasure. When moralism clashes with our desires, our desires win every time. It is not moralism that saves people from their sin, it is the Christ that can only be heard and preached through the gospel. When the gospel is preached, hearts are changed. When moralism is preached, hearts are hardened and people turn away. Speaking from experience, having walked an ath-nostic path for many years it was not moralism that changed my worldview, it was God redirecting my desires through his mercy and grace. When we come to see our place before a perfect and just Creator we will see ourselves as we are, but we cannot reverse that order and try to show people who they are until they have seen themselves before the cross.
Unless we are motivated by the joy and desire to see other lost people come to know and love Christ, we have no business talking about what the Bible teaches. Searching the comment section of any article, YouTube video, or Facebook post on marriage, it doesn’t take long to find people who claim the Christian position using harsh words, slander, and impatience to try and make a point. When we do that, we completely blow our witness and only serve to harden the hearts of those who read or hear us. Oh Christian, how quickly we forget the blood that bought us! Have we forgotten that before Christ saved us we too were blind, wandering around in darkness and unable to see the light? “And you were dead in the trespasses and sins in which you once walked..” (Ephesians 2:1-2a, ESV). Let us not forget the sacrifice that was payed to bring us back to life! I’d like to make this charge to any Christian reading this article: if you seek out debate on marriage or any other topic simply to win an argument – I implore you to please stop talking. As Christians, having confessed our desperate need of saving from our wickedness before a holy God, our speech and actions should be the most grace-filled, truth-founded, gospel-saturated, Christ-exalting, love-showing, people-serving, humility-enriched on display. If this is not the case for us, then we must put aside our desires to debate and converse and pray to that end. Then, and only then, do we have any business engaging in this conversation.
The Post-Modern Left
I now turn to the “post-modern left”. I see no other voice today louder than the roaring waves and crashing sounds of the post-modern movement. This movement is easily recognizable, and it sounds something like this: “There is no absolute truth, and nobody can know the truth. What is true for me is true for me, and what is true for you is true for you. To say that you know the truth and others are wrong is both ignorant and intolerant.” This view is spreading with incredible force today, and it is easy to see the reason why. It sounds good to the ears, allows us to follow the trends of society without remorse, and if anyone disagrees with us then we can easily make them look bad. I won’t condemn your right to hold such views, however if one is to passionately take this stance then the short-comings and contradictions must be accepted if we are to ever have respectful dialogue.
Upon first glance, this view seems relatively solid. It appears to allow for any and all worldviews to work together in harmony. The problem is, most worldviews are mutually-exclusive and cannot work together. Christianity is mutually-exclusive from atheism, Islam from Judaism, Buddhism from Christianity, etc. These beliefs simply cannot and do not line up. The post-modern stance, that none of these beliefs can absolutely say they hold the truth, is in itself an absolute truth. This brings us to the first problem with post-modernism: it is no more inclusive nor tolerant than Christianity or any other “exclusive” belief system. It is entirely exclusive towards exclusive beliefs. It may sound more inclusive by saying that my truth is my truth, and your truth is your truth, but taken to its logical conclusion what is being said is that you know enough about every worldview that they all hold bits and pieces of truth. This is the very kind of statement that is claimed cannot be made. Post-modernism is entirely circular and logically inconsistent.
Wrapped up in the post-modernism movement are twisted definitions of truth and tolerance. Rather than having a worldview that takes a statement of fact and then attempts to decide whether it is true or false, post-modernism takes a statement of fact and then based on the intensity of the belief decides whether it is true or not. This cannot be so; either Christianity is true or it isn’t. Either the flying spaghetti monster is true or it isn’t. Islam is true or it isn’t. The intensity of a belief does not make it true or false, the object of the belief does.
Further, the term “tolerance” has been completely scrambled and in the words of the great prophet Inigo Montoya, “You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.” Tolerance necessitates disagreement. I cannot tolerate you, and you cannot tolerate me, unless we disagree on something. In 21st century society however, tolerance has taken on the meaning that if you disagree with me and my ability to do something, that makes you intolerant. This cannot be farther from reality. I tolerate your beliefs when I say that I disagree with them, but respect your right to have them. That is true tolerance. What has actually happened is true tolerance has been twisted, and instead is being used against those who disagree with the post-modern position. In pure ironical form, it is now the post-moderns who have become intolerant of anyone who disagrees with them.
Finally, one of the most common evidences of post-modern failure – particularly in the realm of Christian/post-modern dialogue – is it’s claims and uses of the Bible to make it’s point. How often are arguments made that sound something like this:
- Jesus never talks about homosexuality, therefore it isn’t something he cared or taught about.
- The problem with this statement is that whoever makes it is accepting the authority of the gospels (that give us the life and teaching of Jesus) but are rejecting the rest of the New Testament. This is logically inconsistent, either you accept the New Testament together or you don’t.
- The Bible is also pro-slavery, so it’s culturally regressive.
- No, it’s not.
- Jesus was all about love and acceptance, that’s why he hung out with sinners.
- “If your right eye causes you to sin, tear it out and throw it away. For it is better that you lose one of your members than that your whole body be thrown into hell. And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. For it is better that you lose one of your members than that your whole body go into hell.” (Matt. 5:29-30, ESV). Jesus cared far more about the eternal state of the soul than showing love and acceptance to all people.
- “The Bible never said…”, “The Bible also says to {insert generic Old Testament ceremonial/judicial law} which Christians don’t do”, “You’re judging me”, etc..
- Some of the world’s most intelligent and revered people have been astute students and scholars of the Bible for almost 2000 years. I promise you that the funny picture you saw on Facebook hasn’t all of a sudden figured out the way to sink the Christian faith.
- Don’t force your beliefs on me.
- This depends on your definition of forcing views. For the Christian, our entire worldview is based on the fact that there is in fact a perfect, holy righteous God who sent himself as Jesus into the world to save sinners. I cannot deny that truth, nor turn away from it. Just as you cannot deny your post-modern views, I cannot deny my Christian views. Therefore, the solution isn’t to tell one camp to “stop forcing their views”, because to ask Christians to stop participating in this debate is to force your views on us.
Please, before you go making claims about what the Bible says – especially if you are not yourself a Christian – take the time to actually read the verse, passage, chapter and book in it’s complete historical, societal and biblical contexts. To not do so, and continue to propagate these myths and rumors about what the Bible teaches, is just intellectually dishonest.
My Final Plea
I’m not perfect. I am not claiming to have the answer to this debate, nor am I claiming to have never partaken in any of the behaviors I’ve criticized above. The fact is, I myself have at one time or another displayed every single behavior and attitude I’ve outlined above. As a prideful post-modern college student, I believed I had the market cornered on truth – and that truth was that nobody could know the truth. As a young, zealous Christian I have often found myself in debate and using harsh words and slander that have only served to further harden the hearts of all those who hear me. These are all things I continue to repent of, lest they consume me.
I am confident that anyone who reads this article will find themselves identifying with patterns and behaviors on either side of this debate. If we are truly honest with ourselves, we will see the errors of our ways. How can we hope to come to a resolution and solve our problems when we hold such animosity and conceit towards one-another? Can we not agree that these behaviors and patterns are destructive? Do we really want to see the children of this age grow up to learn that they can get their way by slandering anyone who disagrees with them, or by being intellectually dishonest so long as they make their point?
Church, we need to set aside our pride and humble ourselves, realizing that we too were once lost people that had no right to be declared justified by God. Our first and primary motive should be telling and showing other people the incredible love that comes from Christ’s death on the cross. This can only be done through loving discourse, which includes the service to others also.
My post-modern friends, I cannot stop you from holding nor ask you to discontinue your worldview. That would be intolerant of me. However please realize the short-comings of your view, and to preach love and acceptance for all those except those who disagree with you is hypocritical and contradictory. If you really want love and tolerance for everyone, prove it by accepting that the Bible-believing Christian view won’t change yet still seek a respectful and peaceful resolution.
I still have hope that this is possible. I was deeply encouraged by Shane Windmeyer’s article here. I have deep respect for these two men who have set aside their differences to engage in real friendship. Neither party has asked the other to change their views, yet they’ve proven that even the most opposed of people can have a respectful relationship. May this serve as a model for us all! Only after we’ve laid aside our prideful tendencies and come to the table with heart-felt respect and deep longings for resolution will we be able to move forward on this issue and head towards a place where honest, respectful dialogue is the norm. If we all do not stop abruptly and move forward with this in mind, then this issue will consume and destroy us.
This is a good analysis. I think it is important to remember what unites everyone (beyond religion). We are all exposed to different religions and/or philosophies growing up. It’s not about who is right and wrong. It is about focusing on common ground and recognizing that we all want the same thing: love.
Very good article. I think everything is debatable but I understand the respect for others should be provided beyond any belief.
Excellent and very down to earth. Although you and I believe slightly different things, we both identify as Christian, and both believe in respect and dignity. Often reading comments under posts, the ones by Christians offend me more than the ones by Athiests/Agnostics, because it seems that the latter is thoughtful in their answers, whereas the former are just spewing the “rules” that have been so ingrained in their minds.
It is a common mistake among Christians to assume that all non-believers are radical relativists. This makes your job of dismissing them easier, but you end up just missing the point altogether.
Hi SW,
Appreciate you taking the time to read the post.
I understand what you are saying. I know not all non-believers are extreme relativists, and it was not my intent to classify as such. I merely categorized the “loudest voices” as that of the misguided right and the relativist left. You may disagree with that analysis, but it was not my intent to cast a blanket label across non-believers. Perhaps a clarifying edit is in order.
I would of course conclude that all non-believers are relativists to some degree, although not necessarily to the post-modern extreme. But that is a conversation for a different time.
I would equally argue that all Christians are relativists to some degree. Almost all agree it’s OK to kill in self defense and most believe the same of war and often capital punishment. Most would also agree that it’s rude to insist on shaking hands in a culture where it’s not a custom and rude not to where it’s expected.
Everyone with an ethical system is a relativist in some areas; it’s just easier to see the areas when you’re looking for something to criticize in another group. But the reality is that there’s nothing special about the relativism of a person with a secular moral system compared to a religious one.